Is Nowhen a word?

So remember when I was facing my fears and doing the things I avoid? And I went to the dentist? (read about it here if you don't) Well I spent the next month dealing with the repercussions from that. The dentist was worried about my blood pressure and recommended going to see my family doctore again. I booked a check up and went for the normal battery of tests. Somehow I have set up my Alberta health services account to sent me the reults when my doctor gets them. I am not a doctor and do not know how to read these results. So if my test result says "abnormal reasult" I panic and turn to the internet. BAD MOVE.

Anyway the moral of the story is I should leave the being a doctor to my doctor and I have turned off the notifications of results. She wasn't worried about my test results and I spent 3 weeks if freak out mode. I am not good at uncertainty. I am not entirely sure if I have always been like this or if it is bigger problem since my brain hemorrhage . I am inclined to believe the latter.

What I found dealing with all this is that I would spiral in worry about the uncertainty, and try and think of every outcome and imagine the worst. True fact that you brain can not tell the difference about expericncing something or thinking about experiencing it. It sends out the same nerotransmitters. So I was stressed and on edge for a few weeks and I did it all to myself.

What would bring me back to centre and stop the spiral was to remind myself of now. Right now, as far as I know and feel I am fine. All I have this moment to be in, and I am okay right now. If something changes I can deal with that then. No need to plan for it now. I have this breath and the next and that's all I immediately need. Tap in to the world around you. There is a bird at my feeder. I can go for a walk. I can nourish myself with good food. I can take a nap.

The rest doesn't matter. Change the plan if needed, but I have all I need now. Nowhere else (or nowhen else in my case) no be.

Which brings me to this months mantra:

Samprati Hum

I am now. I am in the present moment. Reminding ourselves to slip back to the present and to what is. Not worrying about somehting that hasn't happened, not yearning for summer, not reliving the things you said when maybe you talked too much and made an ass of yourself at a social gathering... You can hear me chant it 108 times here.

There is no where else to be, you and now here.